Up

How often do you cast your gaze upward at the sky? That bright, blue vastness that is equally inky black in its own time, dotted with tiny, shining beacons of intrigue. From time to time, I find myself staring up into the black nothingness that isn't really nothing at all. It's a wonderful, huge, peaceful place where anything can happen when you just stare. I can be alone to my whirlwind of thoughts, even silence them for a rare moment, when I let the nothingness consume me. Those are some of my favourite moments.

Thank you

I love the people close to me. My friends are wonderful and I couldn't wish for better. They know me inside out, as do I them. My family, although it isn't a smooth ride, are always there and I love them all. My sister, I could not live without and to say I love her to pieces is an understatement!

I am lucky to have the people I do, and though I know I don't always see that or appreciate them as much as I should, I know they love me and I hope they know that I also love them.

Take a moment to step back and appreciate the people you have in your life. They are all special in different ways and we often fail to  take the time to stop and thank them.

Lost

I love the feeling of coming back to reality after being completely lost in my own thoughts. The feeling of not knowing how much time has passed, being at ease and carefree. I'm am just myself, alone in my thoughts and unaware of the world passing by around me.

It is a wonderful feeling.

Outsider

I see the same group of people every day. Everyone gets on, yet I constantly feel like I have to take it upon myself to make sure I get included in things. How well do I really know these people? I thought I liked them, but now I'm seeing things I didn't before and somehow, I'm not quite so sure anymore.

I thought you were so knowledgeable, but your manner sometimes makes me wonder.
Do you even see me? I often wonder if you only do when you choose to.
I was never sure about you, and sometimes I think I do like you after all. But you seem to live in your own little world a lot of the time. I think the others see it too.
You seem to get everything you want, you seem to think you are such a wise guy, you are too carefree to be safe and you are just. So. Rude. I could go on, but I won't.
You are one of the sweetest, funniest people there, but you come out with words so quickly and it makes me uneasy.
I thought we had a lot in common, but you come out with these things, and say them like you know it all, and more often than not I don't actually agree with you. And the worst part is, I'm letting that cloud my own judgement and opinion on things.

I feel like you're all putting me down. The worst part is, I don't think any of you even realise though I tried telling you. I may, statistically, be the baby, but you don't need to put me at the bottom of the pecking order. I am far more mentally grown up than some of you will ever be, yet in all this time I know you will never see that. If we aren't careful, I am going to snap with you very, very soon.

Look up

A different view

Through my film camera...

Alone in my thoughts

I'm in too deep and I can't find my way back out. I don't know what to do with myself, my thoughts are slowly eating me up from the inside. Nothing to do, yet the world is mine to conquer. Nothing to achieve, yet everything to lose.

I need a knight in shining armour but I think I'm going to be waiting a long time.

Nobody knows (poem)

A deep sigh.

No one sees it,

And nobody knows why.

I am stuck in this fortress of solitude,

But did I build these walls?

They are built so high,

Will anyone ever hear my calls?

A deep sigh,

Nobody knows why.

I know where I want to be,

But my fortress is holding me.

I should be happy -

Not so many have what I see.

A deep sigh,

Nobody knows why.

The rope is dangling before me,

But I cannot reach it.

I do not have the strength to pull myself free,

I feel I'll remain here for all eternity.

A deep sigh,

Nobody knows why.

A teardrop or three.

But it feels like a flood,

To no one but me.

Nobody knows why.

Original poem by Corrie King

(Please do not use without permission)

Stuck in a ditch

I find myself with empty days on my hands to fill. I know exactly what I want to be doing, but although I can see the rope dangling there to help me, it's just out of my reach. It is so very close, yet so painfully far away that it might as well not be there at all. I need to be doing that thing I feel so passionate about, that thing that I can't live without - that thing that feeds my soul. If I can't grab hold of that rope soon, I feel like the pain of it will eat me up in one single bite.

I'm not sure how long it will take me to clamber my way out of this ditch, or how many cuts and bruises it will take. But the despair is rooted firmly until then.

Ponderings

In the modern world, it is so easy for people to get so caught up in their modern life that they forget who they really are and what it is to be alive and human.

Whether it's your job; working from nine to five for all but two days in a week to pay for daily life. Maybe school, college or university; dealing with growing up and becoming independent whilst all at the same time having to meet those deadlines or get all those separate pieces of homework done and synced up to hand in on the right days. Technology and having the world at your fingertips; that impulse to keep up to date with what your friends and relatives are doing every moment of every day. Do you really need to refresh Facebook and Twitter every five minutes? Or maybe it's commuting; that daily panic and rush to get to where you need to be at the time you need to be there. Or possibly body image; we feel the need to cover up or change the way we look - our natural born body - with products and procedures to change our appearances. All these things and more are what life in this day and age consists of.

I know it sounds like I'm just having a huge rant at the world, but I'm not, I promise! My point is that when it is so very easy to get caught up in day to day life, it is also immensely important to just stop and get back in touch with yourself sometimes. Put everything down for a moment. Step outside, get away from the noise.

Who are you? You have a name, but who are you really when you strip back the mess of daily life? So many of us would have to think hard even to find an answer to that question at all. What is the raw you, the animal you - the real you who was born into this world however many years ago?

Being brave

I don't really know what to say first. I want to express myself on this blog; say how I feel, what I'm thinking, what I love and what inspires me. I'm not yet sure what form it will come in, but I intend to express myself however it does come. Drawings, scribbles, notes, sketches, poems, snippets of writing, quotes and sharing things I find beautiful. Here I go!